Preface: I believe that the Bible has keys to so many things that are researched only in labs. I've recently become intrigued by the brain, and so I am now going to post my findings as the Bible teaches me about brain functions.
When Jesus gave us the command to forgive seventy times seven, it was because He understood how our brains work. We can't forget things that have happened or emotions we've felt, but by choosing how we think when those thoughts arise, we can manipulate these memories to be no longer painful, no longer causing anger or bitterness. Obviously this doesn't happen overnight and that's why He tells us to forgive over and over. Eventually the hurt will be replaced by the feelings we've trained ourselves to dwell on.
There have also been studies on genetics that link higher incidence of dopamine with more forgiving people, and higher incidence of dopamine-clearing proteins with anger. Thus, if we can train ourselves to forgive (over and over), thereby enforcing release of dopamine (over and over), we set ourselves up to be overall happier people and to have happy feelings instead of sad feelings. Common sense, right? That someone who forgives would be happier? Well now there just may be brain chemistry to back it up.
Study I referred to: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18063308.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Price is Right
Recently, a friend of mine and I were discussing whether or not Christian women have "rights" to certain qualities in their future husbands. We agreed that the church has fostered this idea in young women that they need to hold out for an uber-godly man: a virgin, someone who doesn't cuss, someone who will keep the nursery with you, etc., etc., etc... My friend posed the question that I've often wondered: Why do I deserve such a person? Aren't we also supposed to considered others as better than ourselves and show the same mercy we want to be shown? Where does that fit into this idea? She is happily dating a guy that her friends (myself included) were at first wary of (keep in mind that this friend is very godly), and her perspective is that we need to dispel this idea that we Christian females have a right to a certain male prototype.
I agreed with her. But there was something missing to this theory of throwing off the self-righteous shackles we'd worn since we were middle schoolers. It's my usual practice to follow up my quintessential college student, angst-heavy, rogue ways of thinking with a balancing investigation. It makes sense to me that if there are ideas or teachings that are perpetuated by people older and wiser than I, there just might be some truth to them. (If I am able to reject this hypothesis in that instance, I get to continue in my "Sarah Palin" - new synonym for "rogue" - ways.)
So one day, as I was lying on my carpet that really needs to be vacuumed, I tried to think of the reasons that parents/teachers/pastors/whoever would say we need to hold out for a "good guy," ("the One," if you will). Conclusion: it has nothing to do with what we deserve. It has to do with our obedience. And not just being obedient to your parents (although I believe this is eternally important). It has to do with the measure of our commitment to protecting our relationship with our First Love. It's no secret that females are adept at entangling their emotions. For some reason, God wanted to create us this way. But because of this, I have experienced and watched so many women who end up compromising even small things -- because of a man. Regardless of a man's past, wherever he is with the Lord now has to be a place that you are willing to be also. Because you cannot start dating someone and expect them to change. We are more likely to change than he, because of that emotion factor. And we don't even know we're doing it! (Dang men.)
So here is what I am not saying: I am not saying that it is acceptable to write off all men who have ever made mistakes in their lives (then they might turn the tables on me... senile cat-lady isn't a life I want to lead). I am also not saying that marriages in which a woman is married to a man who is not walking with the Lord will fail. (1 Peter 3:1-2 -- pretty awesome verses.)
What I am saying is this: that when you, a believing woman who is trying her best to wait on the Lord, are lonely and frustrated, remember your First Love. Know that He, too, wants to protect the pure relationship you have with Him. That is why not just anyone will do.
I agreed with her. But there was something missing to this theory of throwing off the self-righteous shackles we'd worn since we were middle schoolers. It's my usual practice to follow up my quintessential college student, angst-heavy, rogue ways of thinking with a balancing investigation. It makes sense to me that if there are ideas or teachings that are perpetuated by people older and wiser than I, there just might be some truth to them. (If I am able to reject this hypothesis in that instance, I get to continue in my "Sarah Palin" - new synonym for "rogue" - ways.)
So one day, as I was lying on my carpet that really needs to be vacuumed, I tried to think of the reasons that parents/teachers/pastors/whoever would say we need to hold out for a "good guy," ("the One," if you will). Conclusion: it has nothing to do with what we deserve. It has to do with our obedience. And not just being obedient to your parents (although I believe this is eternally important). It has to do with the measure of our commitment to protecting our relationship with our First Love. It's no secret that females are adept at entangling their emotions. For some reason, God wanted to create us this way. But because of this, I have experienced and watched so many women who end up compromising even small things -- because of a man. Regardless of a man's past, wherever he is with the Lord now has to be a place that you are willing to be also. Because you cannot start dating someone and expect them to change. We are more likely to change than he, because of that emotion factor. And we don't even know we're doing it! (Dang men.)
So here is what I am not saying: I am not saying that it is acceptable to write off all men who have ever made mistakes in their lives (then they might turn the tables on me... senile cat-lady isn't a life I want to lead). I am also not saying that marriages in which a woman is married to a man who is not walking with the Lord will fail. (1 Peter 3:1-2 -- pretty awesome verses.)
What I am saying is this: that when you, a believing woman who is trying her best to wait on the Lord, are lonely and frustrated, remember your First Love. Know that He, too, wants to protect the pure relationship you have with Him. That is why not just anyone will do.
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